Fear and Anger

A female jogger was attacked in Victoria on Wednesday afternoon. Luckily, she got away from her attacker, but who knows what damage he did to her – if not physically, what about emotionally?
 
When I heard this story on the news last night, my first reaction was fear. My thoughts turned to the run I had to do this morning, which I knew would be done alone, in the dark. I’d be out pounding the pavement before most of the city fully wakes up.
 
My emotions then turned to anger.
 
I’m angry that I should ever have to be fearful when I go running alone.
 
I’m angry that sometimes I’m afraid to run in the dark.
 
I’m angry that I should ever have to look over my shoulder when I run past someone who makes me feel even just a little uneasy, to make sure they aren’t following me.

I’m angry that my gut reaction is to cross to the other side of the street when approaching someone in the dark if there is no one else around.

I’m angry I have to think about what route I’m going to run and if there will be enough traffic, or other people out walking, or houses nearby, should I get in trouble.
 
I’m angry that I sometimes avoid awesome trails because they are secluded and I don’t have anyone to run with that day.
 
I’m angry that I’m told it is safer for women to run in groups.
 
I’m angry that I’m afraid to run on one of the most accessible running routes from my house out of fear. Fear because of one time 4 or 5 years ago, when a guy in a truck kept driving back and forth past me, leering at me, and following me. Thank goodness I had Rusty and my phone. I remember calling Shane who was working not far away asking him to come get me as I sprinted toward the main road. I'm angry that the panic I felt in that moment is still there after all these year.
 
I’m angry that I have to even consider if Rusty would protect me if he ever had to. (I know the answer is yes, while it has thankfully never had to be tested, I know he would rip anyone apart who tried to harm me).
 
I’m angry that there have to be articles in Canadian Running Magazine directed at women, about how they can and should protect themselves when they go out running.
 
I’m angry that most men likely never have to think about these things.
 
But, unfortunately, these are all realities.
 
Running with my Dad last week, I think I mentioned that if I have to run in the dark, I prefer the dark of the morning to that of the evening, as I know the sun will be rising. "Morning dark" somehow feels safer than "night dark", with daylight feelings the safest... And yet, the girl who was attacked at UVic the other day was running in broad daylight.
 
I’m angry at the asshole who did that to her.
 
I’m angry, for myself, and for all the other women out there who maybe didn’t run quite as carefree as they would have liked this morning.
 
I’m angry that lowlifes like this guy even exist. He is nothing but a coward.