Honesty

Some days it is hard to be honest with yourself.

Some days it is even harder to be honest with your training partner – especially when that training partner is your spouse and the things you need to be honest about are not your most flattering qualities.

I tend to be a bit competitive. Over the years, this has lessened (thankfully), but it is still there.

No denying it, there will always be a hint of sibling rivalry with Kirsten. I want her to succeed and I want her to do great, but I still like beating her when I can (which, let’s be honest, doesn’t actually happen that often).

But this post isn’t about Kirsten. Over the years, we’ve developed a great dynamic and a great bond and can really feed off of each other in training and in life. We have an unspoken honesty that no one can take away.

Now, enter Shane.

We’ve been together for a little over 13 years, married for 6 of those. Triathlon was not a part of my life when we met. Hell, competition wasn’t really a part of my life anymore when we met. Sure I still played soccer, but it didn’t really mean much to me. The competitive basketball player of my youth had faded and I only really exercised to stay in shape. Shane had never known the girl who would get so worked up in a basketball or soccer game that she’d throw herself into an asthmatic fit or be ready to punch out her opponent.

As I’ve grown up and fallen in love with triathlon, my competitive edge has snuck back in from time to time. Not to the same extent as it was during those basketball days, but it is there. I suppose I am competitive with myself more than anything.

Within my own limits, I like to do well. I like to push myself, and while I may never be “fast” I take my training pretty darn seriously.

Over the years, I think it is fair to say that Shane has, at times, resented the amount of time and energy I put into triathlon. He didn’t get it.

Last August 29th in Penticton that began to change. There we stood, signing up for Ironman Canada – together.

And let me just say, training for an IM with your spouse definitely brings a whole new dynamic.

At first, it was really weird. It took some time for Shane and me to realize that we had different training styles. I like to work out in the morning, him, not so much. I’m pretty “by the book” when it comes to my training calendar, whereas he has the ability to be a little more flexible and roll with the punches.

Now, bear with me, as here comes the unflattering part.

Our differences frustrated me (as I’m sure they did him as well).

I found myself feeling competitive with Shane (even if he didn’t know it). I wanted to beat him. At first, I didn’t feel like he was working as hard or as consistently as I was, and it didn’t seem fair that his fitness was making such huge gains. I suppose I was jealous. In my mind, I didn’t feel like he really loved triathlon and the training and I didn’t think it was fair for him to be faster than me when, in my mind, he wasn’t working as hard.

I realize these are unproductive and unflattering thoughts… and obviously, I need to get over myself.

Last week while we were out on a long run, we had a good chat about these things. We were both honest, with ourselves and with each other.

There are so many positives to having your spouse be your training partner (umm, like a built-in long run buddy for one). I realized that I needed to let go of my competitive feelings toward Shane. I needed to be okay with him being faster than me (because, quite frankly, he already is and will only continue to get faster. He does have a Y chromosome after all – and yes, I am totally using genetics as an excuse, haha). I needed to be happy for him to be dropping weight like a mo-fo and getting stronger. I needed to be glad that he took up a sport so he could spend more time with me.

And you know, it’s weird, in that moment, on that run, I let go of my jealousy and my competitive attitude. My "frustration" all but disappeared.

I’m embracing the fact that we are in this together and I’m totally and truly thankful that my partner (in training and life) actually likes to spend time doing the things I like doing. We get to ride our bikes together for hours at a time. We get to commiserate over sore muscles and crazy long workouts. We get to talk about our “racing weight” and then pig out on pizza and ice cream and pie. We get to curse Kelly’s name and shake our fists at our training calendars with a laugh when the hours and hours continue to build.

We get to share our different strengths and weaknesses with each other, and most importantly, we get to share our time, and I think that is a pretty beautiful thing.